Let's waste time...

...chasing cars.

It upsets me that a song I really don't mind (a bit whiny, but good nonetheless) makes me think of the completely ridiculous crap waste of airtime that is Grey's Anatomy.

Sure, the OC was also crap and I watched that, but it wasn't anywhere near as moralistic and cloying as Grey's Anatomy.

In other news, I had a read of this today. As usual, these threads only really serve to give the absolute shits. Mainly, they make a polarised stance completely impossible.

The good thing is that there are incredibly diverse opinions. Some of these types of comments are readily available on other sites, like Blogocracy and Akerman. These run from intelligent debate with the (very) occasional idiotic rant on the former, to monkeys with internet access on the latter.

The problem with those blogs, however, is the noticeable lack of diversity in opinion. One thing I have found lacking is the intelligent defence of a right wing, or socially conservative position. At least on online opinion, there is the occasional instance of this.

Why is this good, you ask? Well, unless you’re an idiot, it’s a good idea to have an idea of arguments you’ll come up against.

On another topic, Sherd recently rehashed her paleo-feminist rant about having doors opened. I have given up on this one over there, not wanting to fill her comments section up.

I’m not going to go through the basic arguments, read it if you need to.

The basic issue the argument faces is one of relevance. Her points, and those of her comrades, were well argued, and on the face of it are reasonable. The logic falls down when applied pragmatically, and the context is all wrong.

Perhaps thirty years ago the argument had resonance, but the world has moved on, at least in Australia.

And - in much the same way that the original intent and meaning of such actions as wearing green on St Patricks Day, or giving eggs at Easter has disappeared over time – politeness to women no longer has any relation to the more insidious forms of sexism.

In a sense, I think the anti-chivalry is somewhat demeaning to women themselves. Viewing modern chivalry in this way continues to define the issue in terms of men’s actions.

I.e. you continue to assert that the solution to the problem will be found when women are treated in the same way as men, rather than on a gender neutral basis.

Chivalry, or the intent behind it, continues to be viewed in a negative way, as something which needs to be fought against.

But then we agree that the content of the action is not the issue, that no one really dislikes having these things done for them. So what will be achieved if men stop being polite?

And if it is the intent that may be suspect, and needs to be changed, how, in reality, do we do that?

Surely, the way to do this is to adopt a more positive approach. Assume all of these actions have an entirely gender neutral basis, and behave accordingly.

I believe Sherd likes a particular Gandhi quote “be the change you want to see in the world.” I have to assume this is the reason for the stance on modern chivalry.

That is, at best, a distortion of the intent of the quote. Gandhi did not rant, he did not bluster. He continually performed actions which were, at the time, illegal and accepted his punishment quietly. Over and over and over. Until things changed.

For what is the change you want to see? Is it not that you wish all forms of politeness to be based on a shared set of standards, rather than their sex, without reducing the general level of polite behaviour? If so, how would you propose to ensure that the intent was above board?

The only way I can see is to live your life according to your principle.

As for leaps of logic linking spousal abuse and levels of housework to chivalry, that’s a little hard to swallow.

Granted, if you accept the proposition that chivalry is fundamentally sexist, then accept that sexist behaviour also includes spousal abuse and sitting on your arse while you lady friend does everything, there is a link.

In the same way, there is a high level of crime in the immigrant Sudanese community, and murder is a crime, therefore high levels of Sudanese immigration cause the murder rate to rise.

This argument first requires one to accept the basic premise on the first point – in the first case an opinion, in the second case distorted statistics – then to draw a causal link based on distorted logic between two unrelated outcomes with one common characteristic.

In any event, I think it would be the case that a man who is polite to a woman, i.e. overtly demonstrates respect, would be less likely to abuse women, not the other way around.

That would go back to the countless arguments about the relationship between basic respect for others in ones actions in public and how that translates to private life.

Fundamentally, I’m not going to change the way I do things. If offer a seat on the bus, or open a door, or buy dinner for a girl, I’m going to keep doing it.

And if that girl takes that as sexist, that’s really her problem, isn’t it. I will be content in the knowledge that I have demonstrated some respect, maybe affection for a group of people who are generally much nicer, less violent, more attractive, less stinky and more intelligent.

Because, really, whichever way you look at it, men and women are different, and unless we turn into snails, always will be. There will always be differences in the way people treat each other, whether that is based on sex, or religion, or whatever.

When the results of this are bad, we should stamp it out. But good people will try to adjust how they act towards different people in order to make things go smoothly. Sometimes this can be misguided, or patronising, so we try to guide it in the right direction.

I try not to swear around my grandma and my mum, I offer to get my workmates coffee when I go out, I make an effort to learn the language and culture when I visit other places.

I have respect for my grandma as a strong woman with a sense of class, I like my workplace to be friendly whether or not the sentiment is reciprocated, and I want things to go smoothly, and respect and cherish the difference in the world.

I will continue to open the car door for my lady. I will continue to enjoy it when I cook a good feed and the girl in my life smiles and thanks me, and eats with gusto. I will continue to moderate my boorish behaviour when women are around and save it for poker nights, for I believe women are worthy of that respect for putting up with crap from blokes for time immemorial.

And I will continue to let ladies go first when it is reasonable - and be quietly chuffed when I get a smile from a nice lady, and slightly bemused when I get a accusatory look.

Cheers.